


always so;

by AgustYoonSwag



Category: NCT (Band), NCT dream (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Depression, Fear, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 04:47:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18461798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgustYoonSwag/pseuds/AgustYoonSwag
Summary: To most, Na Jaemin was as sweet as a boy could get. To Huang Renjun, however, he was a beast ready to pounce at his prey. Yet no matter how terrified the shut out Huang Renjun was of his neighbor, he couldn't help but swoon at the sound of his voice.





	always so;

**Author's Note:**

> Huang Renjun is terrified of Na Jaemin.
> 
> Yet, no matter how pants-shitting scared he is, he can't seem to fall out of love.
> 
> -
> 
> Huang Renjun+Na Jaemin
> 
> -
> 
> Mentions of depression, angst, homosexual relations, cussing, etc.

 

 

Something as trivial as a broken heart, that's what had hindered Renjun for more than six months. Rejection stewed in his stomach, boiling up past his throat and leaving him with an unending sense of nausea. Sixth months he had been holed up in his room, sixth months he had been dying on top of dusty, white sheets, sixth months this had been normal.

The feeling of emptiness that made his tummy feel toxic plagued his thoughts, leaving his head to spin in endless circles. He had always considered himself lost, he always considered himself unsure, but he never truly considered himself depressed. However, that was sixth months ago. That was before he had been trampled on, walked all over, and kicked to the side like an accident-prone puppy. He was left to shiver until his blood carbonated and left him to explode under the pressure. He was left alone.

Renjun cried and cried, he cried until he felt like there were no tears left. However, in the end, more tears always seemed to bubble up past the flood gates of his tear ducts and he’d eventually end up crying himself to sleep. He hated it, he hated living, he hated himself. But most of all, he hated Na Jaemin.

The boy was as soft as a cloud, as delicate as a flower. To anyone else, they’d only see a pure, happy teenage boy living his best life. To Renjun, however, Na Jaemin was a different story. To Renjun, Na Jaemin was a beast crawling in the shadows just waiting until he could lunge to rip out his throat, pulling the poor, broken boy’s heart along with it. Renjun was afraid of Na Jaemin, in fact, he was so afraid that he practically boarded up his windows so he didn’t see him by the slim chance that the two boys looked out their neighboring windows in the same instance. By the small chance that they did, Renjun was sure he’d piss himself just before having a heart attack.

As if by miracle, or rather, the opposite of a miracle, the newspapers Renjun had past plastered to the panes of his window fluttered to the floor. Renjun, making the biggest mistake he could have ever possibly made at that moment, decided that the crinkling of a newspaper was worth his time for an investigation. So, Renjun crawled out of his bed and proceeded to move in the same manner to the newspaper that now laid disheveled on the floor beside the window.

Renjun couldn’t help but laugh, scream, and cry at the cruel trick fate had played on him. As soon as he lifted his head, he locked eyes with none other than Na Jaemin, leaning out of his open window and readying an arm to throw a small rock at Renjun’s. To say Jaemin was surprised would be an understatement, rather, he looked as if he had seen a ghost; in fact, if he had said so, Renjun surely would have agreed with him. However, Renjun was too preoccupied with both trying not to shit his pants and jump out of his bedroom window at the same time.

Jaemin was quick to come back to his senses, quickly pulling his upper body back into his room and disappearing into his room beyond what you could see from the window. Renjun nearly sighed in relief, however, upon peeping past his window sill he saw the shadow of Na Jaemin heading back towards him. Renjun practically fell to the floor, not bothering to be quiet about his cries of pain upon his nose smacking into the hardwood floors. Jaemin, on the other hand, was busy crumpling up a ball of paper.

Renjun let out a loud whine as the ball hit him in the head, and while he wanted to leap back up and scream at Na Jaemin for presenting his filth into his pristine bedroom, Renjun was too concerned with the blood that came from his nearly hemorrhaging nose. As if the day couldn’t get worse, Renjun found himself frozen and nearly smiling at the sound of Jaemin’s wondrous voice, so delicate and soft and everything he had fallen in love with. With that thought, Renjun smacked himself, not caring about the blood that smeared across his face upon doing so.

Renjun, once more, peeked past his window sill, Jaemin not failing to take notice of the red streak of blood spread across his cheek. Once again, Jaemin’s ever-so-pleasing voice flooded into Renjun’s thoughts as he spoke, and although Renjun could see his lips moving, he couldn’t make any sense of what he was saying. However, upon seeing Jaemin turn and his back stray further from the window, Renjun could only hear himself sigh in relief. That is until his world came falling to his feet, much like how the rest of the newspaper that was plastered to the window fell at his knees.

“Renjun, sweetie, you have a visitor!” His mother’s soft voice called up the stairs, followed by footsteps and words that were rather fuzzy, one standing out among the rest: **Jaemin**.


End file.
